So Anger came and knocked on my door. You see, she was an old friend so she knew the exact moment to show up. I had just watched the video of George Floyd’s murder. My eyes were pouring out what my heart felt. Pain. So much pain. Right in the middle of this life changing moment Anger clasp me in her grip.
I felt her familiar heat in the back of my throat and a fire of words were simmering inside my spirit. As the days progressed, I could feel that fire keep heating up and as hard as I tried to prevent it from boiling over, I couldn’t . It boiled over and man did I feel it burn. Over the next few days I watched as our country was flipped, divided, and angry. And once satan saw he had a foothold on people with anger, he went into destruction mode. I watched people not know what to do with how they felt. Words were thrown like grenades and people were on the attack- myself included.
During this time God sent three dear friends to me. One is a constant lifeline who will make me look at myself through a lens of accountability to God, no matter the situation. If you don’t know Beth White, she really is amazing. I jokingly tell her that I’m sure she wants to tape my fingers together sometimes so that I cannot type on Facebook, but what she does for me is much more powerful than that. She makes me look within. After thirty minutes I saw the root within me that I had to deal with. Yes, I was outraged, angry, and heartsick over what happened to George Floyd, still am, but it made me look at my reactions to it.
My anger was about more than just that one injustice. It was about the underlying issues within myself that poured gasoline all over the fire that anger had started.
The way I saw it, I could use that anger to construct or destruct and that decision was up to me.
When we started Celebrate Recovery I learned so much about myself. We all know the surface stuff that we struggle with, but do we ever stop and ask ourselves where the root of our struggles come from? If we grow to where we see the root, are we ready to start the work that is required to get pull it out? It’s hard work to change behavior, but God is so faithful and just. We really don’t deserve His grace and yet He pours it from and endless spout.
I saw my anger coming for me and it hit me like Earnie Shavers. He is a former heavyweight boxing champion that many have said is the hardest hitter in the history of the sport. Muhammad Ali has said no one hit him harder than Shavers. One sports writer wrote that he could “get you out of there any kind of way.’
Anger lingers until its lit and then it will do whatever it can to get you out of there any kind of way. It hits hard and it keeps you as its prisoner. In the days following George Floyd’s murder, I found myself becoming unrecognizable. It brought up so many things that I had filed under “deal with later.” We will talk more about those files in the coming weeks.
God’s word says this:
Ephesians 4:26-27, “And don’t sin by letting anger gain control over you. Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a mighty foothold to the Devil.” (NLT)
I had to do some work on me and its not done. Whenever I am struggling the first thing I do is find a scripture to help lead me through what to do. In Celebrate Recovery we call these are life scriptures.
Don’t have a life scripture for your anger, here are some more of mine that have helped me the past few weeks.
James 1:19-20, “…be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Your anger can never make things right in God’s sight.” (NLT)
Proverbs 29:11, “A fool gives full vent to anger, but a wise person quietly holds it back.” (NLT)
Jesus knows that He has to check my stubborn nature with tough love so early one morning, He woke me up to this Ephesians 4:31-32, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of malicious behavior. Instead, be kind to each other, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.” (NLT)
So, I took a Facebook break. I was becoming quite the keyboard fighter and it left me drained and empty. I curled up with my bible, my celebrate recovery books, and my highlighters.
I let my therapist ‘hold the bucket” while I started dealing with the “deal with later” files.
I acted like a three year old and clung to my momma’s skit tail and my dad’s pant leg.
I surrounded myself with my mission minded friends who reminded me that heaven is our home and I choose how I spend the time in between.
I decided to do what Paul instructed in the book of Romans and conquer the evil I was seeing by doing good.
Romans 12:21, “Don’t let evil get the best of you, but conquer evil by doing good.”
I also kicked satan’s teeth out by fasting, praying, and letting the stillness of God’s voice give me peace.
We all get angry. Some of us struggle more than others, but it’s something we all share.
The question for you is what are you going to do with that anger?
My prayer for anyone reading this is that you ask God to forgive you for anything that your anger did to destroy. Rather that be yourself, someone, or something.
Do some self inventory and ask God to help you find the root of your anger. What makes you react the way you do?
Then, I pray that you look Anger square in the eyes and punch like Earnie Shavers and knock it out! You have got this my friend, and I am in your corner!
God is good ya’ll, He just is,
Kisha